“I have to find a birthday gift for a 7-year-old. So far the mom has nixed 1) my kid’s recorder. 2) explosives. 3) a used Kidz Bop collection. Now what?”
Here are some suggestions for birthday gifts to give that bratty kid, or better yet – to punish that bratty mom! (it’s fun to think of torturing annoying parents, isn’t it? tee hee)
Feel free to comment below and add to our list!
- 2000 water balloons (preferably filled).
- A case of silly string.
- 1000-piece bead set.
- Empty bottle of wine… if you blow in the bottle, it makes a pretty noise! (it’s a win-win because you get to drink the wine and the kid gets a new “toy”).
- Cardboard box and a roll of duct tape, OR..
- Two steel chairs and a roll of duct tape.
- A book on animal farts, with sound. (folks, this is REAL… I know I couldn’t believe it either – see Amazon).
- A case of red bull,and some sharpies.
- Fake tattoos. (what parent doesn’t LOVE those?)
- Hamster (or anything else living that requires food and pisses in its own living quarters).
- Gift certificate to Chuck E Cheese.
- A $10 gift card to the Dollar Store. It’ll take the kid all day to pick out 10 things and drive mom crazy paying the tax!
- Finger paints.
- A jumbo pack of multi-colored Sharpie pens.
- Espresso machine.
- Give the kid a kazoo and teach him the tune “Be Kind To Your Web Footed Friend (For That Duck Might Be Somebody’s Mother)”. (someone on our page actually did this! I bow).
- Moon dough (preferably brown).
- Gallon buckets of army men, cowboys and Indians, or animals.
- Nothing says Happy Birthday like the smell of spilled formaldehyde on a kid’s carpet, followed by the scent of Decomposing Leopard Frog from under their bed: Frog dissection kit. (yep, you can buy this shit!)
- Dryer lint origami.
- Leftover Halloween candy.
- Toy chainsaw that sounds like a real chainsaw. (once again, yes, they exist)
- Nerf guns and targets so everyone in the family can manage their stress with weaponry.
- The Harry Potter vibrating broom.
- The kid sized guitar from Wal-Mart.
- The entire Scooby Doo collection on DVD (not the vintage cartoons, the newer super annoying ones).
- Legos. (always good for an OUCH)
- A large bottle of rubber cement.
- And lastly this gem below, which serves as a reminder that the simplest gift is usually what kids love most. (Ren and Stimpy ROCKS!)