Birthday gift suggestions for the bratty kid (with the even brattier mom)

“I have to find a birthday gift for a 7-year-old. So far the mom has nixed 1) my kid’s recorder.  2) explosives.  3) a used Kidz Bop collection.  Now what?”

Here are some suggestions for birthday gifts to give that bratty kid, or better yet – to punish that bratty mom! (it’s fun to think of torturing annoying parents, isn’t it? tee hee)

Feel free to comment below and add to our  list!

  1. 2000 water balloons (preferably filled).
  2. Drums.
  3. A case of silly string.
  4. 1000-piece bead set.
  5. Empty bottle of wine… if you blow in the bottle, it makes a pretty noise! (it’s a win-win because you get to drink the wine and the kid gets a new “toy”).
  6. Cardboard box and a roll of duct tape, OR..
  7. Two steel chairs and a roll of duct tape.
  8. A book on animal farts, with sound. (folks, this is REAL… I know I couldn’t believe it either – see Amazon).
  9. A case of red bull,and some sharpies.
  10. Fake tattoos. (what parent doesn’t LOVE those?)
  11. Hamster (or anything else living that requires food and pisses in its own living quarters).
  12. Gift certificate to Chuck E Cheese.
  13. A $10 gift card to the Dollar Store. It’ll take the kid all day to pick out 10 things and drive mom crazy paying the tax!
  14. Finger paints.
  15. A jumbo pack of multi-colored Sharpie pens.
  16. Espresso machine.
  17. Give the kid a kazoo and teach him the tune “Be Kind To Your Web Footed Friend (For That Duck Might Be Somebody’s Mother)”. (someone on our page actually did this! I bow).
  18. Moon dough (preferably brown).
  19. Gallon buckets of army men, cowboys and Indians, or animals.
  20. Nothing says Happy Birthday like the smell of spilled formaldehyde on a kid’s carpet, followed by the scent of Decomposing Leopard Frog from under their bed: Frog dissection kit. (yep, you can buy this shit!)
  21. Dryer lint origami.
  22. Leftover Halloween candy.
  23. Toy chainsaw that sounds like a real chainsaw. (once again, yes, they exist)
  24. Nerf guns and targets so everyone in the family can manage their stress with weaponry.
  25. The Harry Potter vibrating broom.
  26. The kid sized guitar from Wal-Mart.
  27. The entire Scooby Doo collection on DVD (not the vintage cartoons, the newer super annoying ones).
  28. Legos. (always good for an OUCH)
  29. A large bottle of rubber cement.
  30. And lastly this gem below, which serves as a reminder that the simplest gift is usually what kids love most. (Ren and Stimpy ROCKS!)

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