The Top Ten Things to do with all that Halloween candy


  1. Put it in the mailboxes of all the skinny bitches in the neighborhood.

  2. Toss chocolate bars into Rec Center kiddie pool. Watch pandemonium ensue.

  3. Unwrapped Jolly Ranchers are almost as lethal as Legos. (use your imagination)

  4. Rent a catapult and launch upwrapped Tootsie Rolls into your inconsiderate neighbor’s yard. So they too will know how it feels to have a yard full of “dog shit”.

  5. Sugar up all the kids that come over to play so their parents will quit sending them to your house.

  6. Dump it in a Walmart parking lot and watch a real life Hunger Games.

  7. Keep a stash by the door to throw at Jehovah’s Witnesses.

  8. Can it be mixed with vodka? Keep it.

  9. Sprinkle them outside the local CrossFit meeting area and watch the weak ones break.

  10. Donate Bit O’ Honey to local nursing home as denture adhesive


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